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And Again

Thu, 06/28/2012 - 16:07 — StrengthInside

It happened again.. Another trigger.... I am looking out of my kitchen window.. I see a huge maple tree.. I am looking through the leaves of this tree and then... nothing and I am 4 again.. He is there.. He tells me to look at the tree and how beautiful it is. He is trying to distract me from what he is doing with his hands.. and.. and.. It doesn't stop. Flood of pain, things, & memories too much to type..

 

It is so terrible that he has screwed me up so much that I can't even look at a tree.. How long will this follow me? What should have been a peaceful moment was destroyed by him.. His presence in my mind. Flashbacks, nightmares, & memories are random and seemingly never ceasing..

 

PainInside > StrengthInside

Comments

Thu, 06/28/2012 - 21:01 — Sue

I just wish I could give you such a big hug and tell you YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!! Not ever again!!!!!!! Flashbacks SUCK!!!! They are the torture of our pasts and they keep jumping up and out of our minds. The only memories I have of my life are flashbacks. I get little bits of my life just like what you had all the time. What I have learned over the last few years,especially the last year is,your mind blocks out your past,so you can accually survive it. The flashbacks is your minds way of saying "it's time to let the memories go" in a way. Really,it is time,but,you cannot do it alone!!!! You need a support system and some one who can keep you grounded while dealing with them. I have been getting SO SO many of them lately ,had a few today. Anything at any given time can trigger you. Some people have patterns ,some don't. I know I don't. I could look at the same thing time and time again and never get a flashback,then ,one day,look one more time and there it is,WHAMMY!!! For now,try to see something in the room to focus on when it happens and try to breath deep breaths. It will take time and practice to get better at it,but that's what I'm learning to do. In the beginning it didn't work for me,now,it's a little easier. Depends on how severe the flashback is. Hang in there!!!!! We are All here for you my dear!!!!!

Mon, 07/09/2012 - 23:14 — dncngdogs8

Flashbacks are the worst!! I will be fine one moment then the next my skin will feel like its crawling. For me its smells that trigger me or songs. I will tell you that even though I still ahve flashbacks they do lessen over time. They also become a lot less intense. Nightmares are a huge one for me too. I just try to take my counselors advice and realize that I am in a safe place and try to set my mind to something else. I know it sucks, and I have a feeling that things will always trigger me, like the smell of bacon, literally makes me want to die, but over time i know the pain will lessen. I grow and heal more and more the hurt and pain will lessen and maybe even numb one day. Nights are alwasy bad for me, I haven't slept a fully night or more then 3 hrs in 10 yrs, but I'm slowly learning how to take my life back. It does take time but things do get better and flashbacks and nightmares will one day be a thing of the past. Kepp your head up, you are very strong, adn keep moving forward!! And when the pain feels like its too much just know that all of us here understand what you're going through and are here to help!! 

 

Annie 

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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.