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Learning to feel

Mon, 01/23/2012 - 00:35 — Stacey Lannert

Being numb helped us through a terrible ordeal. We learned how to turn off the pain, which in a way saved us. The only drawback to the numbness was it also took away our ability to feel pleasure. The simple things in life were no longer pleasurable - the feel of grass on your feet, the way a grape feels when you bite into it, petting a super soft cat (like my Maggie), or holding a precious newborn baby - we lost the ability to be fully present and therefore to freely feel. We also closed ourselves off to others. We built a huge wall and bricked ourselves ourselves in - we were the only one with the key and we would not allow another person to enter. We were numb and alone.

I fought my way back into my senses slowly through guided meditation. I mentioned this in a reply and thought it would make a good topic for this week. I would set a timer for one minute and what ever I did for that one minute I would be fully present to. If I ate a piece a candy, I would feel how it felt in my hand before I put it in my mouth. As I raised the candy to my mouth I would notice my glands producing a Pavlov response where I started to salivate (not quite drooling, only drooled when it was a Snicker's Bar). I would close my eyes and savor that first sweet taste of candy.

I started doing this exercise 3-5 times a day for 1 minute each, then gradually increased each week by thrity seconds. When I first started a minte seemed like an hour, and I knew I should quit when an hour felt like a minute.

Practice makes permanent and if we practice how to feel it will eventually become the norm. Feeling isn't easy, there are all types of complicatd emotions - so just start small. If one minute seems too long, swicth to 30 seconds. Work it so that you are successful, that is the main thing. Be successful - do what works for you.

I will blog later this week about opening ourselves to others. It has been a long day and tomorrow will probably be longer.

Remember to try to open up - you are missing some wonderful, breathtaking moments if you stay in the rut you are in. You can pull yourself out.

Good luck!!

 

Comments

Mon, 01/23/2012 - 05:48 — Tina

Yes, I have been told that sometimes I seem to go off into "Chrissy's world" ... I know what that means now.  I just numb out ... I find it really hard to be fully present ... in the moment ... I like your suggestion of the timer ... I remember my report cards in school would often have the comment .. she "daydreams" too much ... I was numbing out I think ... I gave the name of this website to a woman I know, an acquaintance of a friend of mine.  She is struggling ... she was interested ... hopefully she will check it out.  There are not many places where I can get my feelings and thoughts out about the sexual abuse and this site helps so much. 

 

Chrissy

Fri, 01/27/2012 - 12:41 — Another Sister

Hello, Sisters -

I have recently been hearing a lot about the Courage to Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. Simultaneously, I was brainstorming about how to use a book store gift certificate I got for Christmas from my favorite and most supportive sibling. I think the world was setting me up to get the workbook, so I did. Would anyone like to join me in starting a casual group to get together maybe twice a month to discuss the workbook and/or related matters that help us all in the process of healing, maintaining and supporting one another??

I recommended Stacey's book to a barista at a coffee shop near my house and we followed up with a discussion this week. She offered meeting space in her shop, which is Cafe Nura off Lockwood (near Elm) in Webster Groves. It is quiet and quaint, and they have a small semi-private room where we could visit. Please let me know if you're interested and I'll work on getting a date set.

Best from Another Sister,

Lori

 

 

 

 

 

Fri, 01/27/2012 - 17:11 — josey

That is a wonderful idea, however I don't think I am located close to you.

I just received the book and workbook a couple of weeks ago and it is definitely difficult to go through alone.  I wish I had a support group, but nothing is really available to me. 

Good luck and many blessings to you!  You all will benefit greatly!

Sat, 01/28/2012 - 15:17 — carolrhill814

I do believe with all of my heart that crime of rape is not really looked upon as a serious crime anymore.

 

I think this law should change to MANSLAUGHTER because once this happens to anyone be you female of male the person you were is dead one second after it happens.

 

But nobody seems to want to listen to me because there are to many judges and attorneys that have done it and if the law changes this will change for them.

 

I know for me I went from a loving child to an animal never wanting anyone close to me because I was afraid of speaking of what was happening to me because he told me that if I spoke about he was doing he would kill my family starting with my mother and let me watch so never said a word.

 

I lost my first husband because I would wake up to ten (10) times a night screaming to the top of lungs walking through the house not knowing why I was doing all of this because I was the rape and the rape was me and there was no separating it. Furthermore I lost so many jobs because of my temper if a person would even look at me in the wrong way that would make me explode in horrible temper or if someone would come up to me from behind I would jump up and scare the person who just wanted to speak with me or if someone would touch my arm like he would I would scream at them for doing so that didn't continue long because I would lose my jobs.

 

Not until I got married the second time because he was getting to the point of no return did I seek help and not until then many many years later did I realize what these rapes did to me because as I said I was the rape and the rape was me and when I realized what he did to me I drove my hand through an overstuffed coach I was so furious that I lost the life I was supposed to have and ended up with a life that was horrible because of what happened to me I became a monster that I never knew I would ever become but I did.

 

I am much much better but still I have little things that seem to come back but I see it happening and stop it from happening but sometimes things happen that I don't have the power to stop and mind you I am in my 60's and this happened to me when I was 12 thru the age of 21.

 

To me all rape victims have to get together to change these laws or they will never ever change and sadly that is a fact.

 

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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.