Higher Power

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 09:58 — Stacey Lannert

*This is a response I gave to someone earlier this week, but I have noticed a few comments about this issue and thought it might be fitting.

It would be unnatural not to blame God at some point in our lives. We are taught that He works miracles, is all about love, etc. I had many, many battles with faith. I can't tell you the exact day I stopped blaming God, but I can tell you about the rush of warmth and love I felt when I accepted that it was not His fault.

Feeling the Pain

Tue, 01/17/2012 - 01:38 — Stacey Lannert

Darkness is a part of our lives, it follows us, hunts us. We did not let the darkness in by choice, someone forced it onto us. We lost the ability to feel and learned how to become numb, we had to in order to survive. The nightmares, the flashbacks, and the fear remained long after the abuse ended and will last forever. Depression became our companion, a warm embrace to a cold life.

New Year

Sun, 01/01/2012 - 10:38 — Stacey Lannert

They say what you do on the first day of the New Year is what you will do the rest of the year, so here I am. I hope to make Healing Sisters more of a daily commitment. Life has been hectic and there were days I barely lifted my head out of a book. Life moves fast and there are a million and one things to get accomplished - clean this, take the trash out, call this person, pay that bill, etc - but nothing makes me feel as this site does.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Thu, 12/29/2011 - 02:55 — Stacey Lannert

Christmas is a hard time of year. When we were kids we looked forward to it - no matter what else was happening in our lives. I loved Christmas. It was the one time of the year when I knew my family would be happy and we would all get along. Cookies, carols, and presents meant my family was jovial. We would visit would other family members - you just never knew who would turn up. Christmas for me was a magical time and even when I stopped believing in the bearded one who came down the chimney, I still believed there was something special about Christmas.

Reunited & It Feels So Good

Tue, 11/29/2011 - 10:17 — Stacey Lannert

Okay forgive me for borrowing the lyrics to a song from Peaches and Herb, but in this case the lyrics truly fit. While I was incarcerated I trained dogs for CHAMP, Inc. (Canine Helpers Allow More Possibilities).  Of course I loved each one of the dogs that passed through my life, a few of them are in my book, Redemption - or the UK version - I Shot Daddy. One dog I did not mention was Henry. 

Truly on my own

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 02:04 — Stacey Lannert

It has been a minute since I have posted because a lot of changes have been taking place my way, good ones, but changes still take a toll.  In April of this year I moved out on my own for the first time. I had a roommate for the first two months, which was great. I needed that bit of hand holding, having someone to turn to so I could make certain everything was okay.

Loving Who I Am

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 22:26 — Stacey Lannert

I never really felt worthy of love. I always felt if my parents couldn't love me, then who could? Hard question and it took me over a decade to discover the answer. Drum roll please, the answer is me. I had to learn to love myself before anyone else could even attempt to love me, before I could try to love another person. If I didn't see myself as worthy of love, then I never would be.

Breaking Negative Patterns

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 09:16 — Stacey Lannert

This blog is actually also a reply to a user's post. I thought it was a perfect topic to deal with this week since we all have feelings of anger that threaten to overwhelm us at times.

I cannot begin to tell you how angry I was when I was a teenager, anger at God, anger at my parents, anger at myself, anger. I couldn't see straight anymore because I was too clouded.

Being True to You

Mon, 09/19/2011 - 09:49 — Stacey Lannert

People always ask me how I can forgive people in my past who have hurt me.  This is a tough question because there is no right answer for every single person, it is not a one size fits all solution.  For me, I look to see if the other person really wants to be a part of my life because they want a relationship with me or because "it is the right thing to do".  If they truly want a relationship with me, then it means both parties are willing to work toward a common goal.  If it is "the right thing to do", then it really isn't about me, it is about them trying to look good for others and I ha

What Do You Stand For?

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 20:34 — Stacey Lannert

When we first begin to confront our pasts, the resolve and strength we once found can become quite shaky.  Reality is stark and strong.  Every day we are confronted with issue we had no idea existed.  Giving up, giving in to denial can be easy.  Some days we just want it to all go away.  Truth is, it will never just go away.  We will face our past every single day.

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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.

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