Karaoke

Karaoke! Over the past 2+ years I started going to certain martini lounges & have met a bunch of people; we say we are the "riff raff". I was told a few months back that, "everyone who sings karaoke, has the same heart". We have joked it's "karaoke therapy". You walk in, all nervous, but more than likely either someone directly knows you, or heard you sing the prior week, or someone will come up to you & offer to chat. I have found sometimes the best chats come out after 2am, when we're at Mc Donald's eating fries, or someone has piled back to my place & we're chatting on my balcony until 6am!

Through my two years singing, dancing & playing around various lounges & scuzzy little places in Ottawa, I have certainly met some amazing people, & seen some crazy things! I am constantly amazed by the caring & how, even if you do not know the person, someone wll notice & come up to you if a "not-so nice person" starts hassling you.

It's the healing though. The fact that I have been able to open up to others, especially women, in a way I just never could before. I was molested by my mother (& she still terrorizes me, right from across the province!), so I didn't have those cuddly, giggly, sleep-over experiences, or close friendships, like other adults have. I have tended to look at every woman with a ton of suspicion.

Through my nights out, I have been able to scream Nirvana songs into that mic' when things hurt, dance around & be flirty with my guy friends, cheer on friends while they sing (& of course, karaoke etiquette: the worse you sing, the more you are into it, the more people cheer!), and dance & start to allow my female friends to hug me, pick me up, give me a kiss on the cheek, or a swat on the rear - trust me!, that's a massive step for me!

It's just, the nights when it really hurts, the music makes it hurt less. The support from the community makes me feel understood, & alot less alone - since as we all know, if you have PTSD, you could be in a crowd, & still feel dead-alone.

Thanks for listening.