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my story

Thu, 01/26/2012 - 10:39 — jjmom68

My name is Misty and I am almost 30 years old. I was molested by my older 2 brothers and a neighborhood kid for almost 5 years, from age 8-13. I am not my family's secret because my family doesn't know. I have never told anyone, I am too ashamed. My childhood therapist doesn't even know and I can never tell my mom or dad. I'm pretty sure at my parent's age, they would have a stroke! And then I would lose the only people in my life that love me for me and not because of my past, nor my future.

I was 8 when the molestation started and the only reason that it stopped at age 13 was because both of my older brothers had turned 18 and were no longer living in the house. The neighborhood kid had stopped coming around about that time too. I am adopted, along with my 3 brothers, 2 older and one younger. I finally, in a drunken stupor told my little brother what my older brothers did to me but I'm not sure if he knows I was telling the truth or not.  We haven't talked about it since that night. I have made him promise not to tell mom or dad about it because I don't want them to know. I don't want to see the look of pity in their eyes and know that I have failed them once more.

My name is Misty and I was molested. Thank you for letting me get that out. I am on my way to healing now.

 

Comments

Thu, 01/26/2012 - 21:11 — Sue

Hi Misty, I just read your story and wow does it sound so familiar. The same thing happened to me with my oldest brother and it started when I was 2 1/2 yrs. old and ended when I was a sophomore in high school. I also had a lot of incidences happen with his friends that started when I was around 1st or 2 nd grade which also lasted until I was in my late teens. I suffer badly from p.t.s.d. And dissociation and I don't remember most of my life. I get constant flashes of my life ,all incomplete flashes, have had nightmares all my life. It's a mess and I hate the fact that WE need to be the ones left to clean up the mess they made. My parents don't know about it either,it would literally distroy my mom, no one in my family knows, and I still live in the house where some of the abuse took place so I have a lot of triggers still, trying to deal with it but it is so difficult as you know. Anyway, I just wanted to share my story with you and how much they are alike. Take care,sue

Fri, 01/27/2012 - 23:25 — jjmom68

I no longer talk to my older two brothers and just recently told my little brother. My little brother and I were out celebrating his birthday and I must have had a drink too many because the next thing I know I'm asking him if brother 1 and brother 2 ever touched him inappropriately. Brother 3 (my little brother that I absolutely adore!) said no and asked me why I would ask him that.....I spilled the beans....I didn't mean to, because I know that my little brother is close to my mom and I didn't want him to slip and tell her, but I couldn't keep it in anymore. I just got off the phone with him and he said that he ran into brother 1 the other day and had to walk away. I love him for that.

Sat, 01/28/2012 - 04:48 — Sue

Wow, how brave that was of you,and scary I'm sure. So, it sounds like your little brother will support you,if so, that's so good!!!! It sounds like you really needed it to come out and even though you had a little too much, it was the thing to do at that time. Good for you not to have to see your brother. My family has no idea and because I live with and take care of my parents, I still see my brother,which triggers all the fear and flashes and not being able to deal.i hope one day I will be able to confront him,but now, I'm not strong enough.i wish I didn't have to see him like I do.so, just wanted to say,I hope your brother continues to support you!!!!, it will help in the healing for you.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 12:04 — jjmom68

Just a suggestion to help you in your healing....tell your mom or dad to let you know when your brother is coming to the house so you can leave....make sure that you let your mom or dad know that it would help you to be able to run your errands and plan for the week if you knew when you were going to have help in the house. That way your mom and dad can try to set up a schedule with your brother...it may help in your  healing. 

I tell my mom and dad all the time to let me know when their oldest son will be at the house, and that is how I refer to him with my mom and dad. Even though they do not know the whole story, they know that there is animosity between the two of us, so I just blamed it all on his new girlfriend, who sleeps around and is claiming a kid as his when it's really someone else's kid....and that's the only reason that I give.

My mom told me the other day that I was going to have to resolve my differences with him because she wasn't going to be around forever. I said "I know that, but once you are not here, I won't ever have to see him again and that will suit me just fine." My mom was confused about it but didn't ask me any questions. I am pretty sure that she suspects something more than just a dislike of his girlfriend (who I really, truly dislike with a passion) but until she asks me about it, I'm not telling her because she's not ready to hear what happened to me yet. 

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 12:44 — Sue

Thank you for your suggestion !!!! It really would make it so much easier if I could tell my parents about my older brother, but, for one,I don't believe my dad would believe me,long story behind that one, and my mom, her entire world would fall apart and I TRUELY believe she would have like a heart attack or something. So, I do try and figure out when he will be over so I can leave,but,I always feel like he is still winning and still in control of me when ever I leave MY home becouse of him!!!!! There are also times where he just stops by without calling first , then I'm stuck and I hide in my room,which further makes me angry!!!!! My mom also knows how angry I am at him, but has no clue why. Seeing him also triggers my profound level of anger as well.i just hope one day I can become strong enough to confront him!!!!!!! Thank you again, Sue

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 19:21 — jjmom68

Instead of allowing him to control you, maybe you should take control of that anger that is eating you alive.  I don't know how, or I would have done it already. I wish I knew how to control the anger instead of letting it control me. I wish we could take control of everything and think this may be where my controlling nature comes in.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 21:16 — healing2

You need to find power over them. It is the only way you can have the upper hand.. Inmost states there is a 5 year rape cap.. Meaning you cant report the rape.. I went through some of the same thinds you did. A very good friend of mind convinced me to call my abusier and ask them to come to my home and talk to me. That you would like to speak to them in private.

Abusier love to be in control and they are all firt bags.. So just like my friend thought he came over and we sat at my kitchen table and i had my lap top siting close by with some web page up on how to forgive your raper AS IF that would ever happen.

He saw that I could see that in his eyes and he then just sat down. I told him that I never told anyone because I he was family and i stilled loved him.. THAT WAS A LIE..  I told him I was having problems getting on with my life and if he coudl just explain why he did what he did that might help me.. I also told him i forgave him.. THAT WAS A LIE.

To my suprise he told me the whole story and also said if I told anyone they wouldn:t believe it. Which he was right excpet that it was 2010 and this very cool thing called a WEB CAM was on the market... YEP I WEB cam the whole thing.. The cover page of the website was to throw him offf. He never knew.... Well that is until a couple days laters I talked to a lawyer and he saw the video and he told me that in my own home i can tape what ever I want. That my abusier had no reasonable case of privace... That very moment I knew I had that Bastard.

I took his power he had over me and it felt great.

 

To this day he is very worried that i might show that tape.. I just might. But for now having it is enough.. So there are things you can do.. It was soooo easy except for the acting that i had to for him.. But that was nothing the reward was much greater..

Just wanted to share that we can take back our lives and it be leagal.. Only in the US

 

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 21:25 — jjmom68

Great Idea, but I truly can't be in the same room with my abuser and not throw up. I can't stand to look at him, be around him or even allow him to call me family. He is no longer my brother and I think that I have taken as much power over this as I can. I still have a relationship with my nephew that he has started neglecting now that he has his own daughter, or at least, he thinks she's his. I fear for her safety, and have hotlined him a couple times already anonymously through another source, but that's all I can do. I can no longer allow him to hold the power over me, I am just not sure that I want to hurt the relationship that I have built with my mom and dad after I destroyed it when I married my now ex-husband. I think that if I tell them, it will destroy it all over again and I'm not sure that I can handle that. I want to tell them so badly but I am pretty sure that I will continue on this path of unhappiness and it will rub off on my son.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 21:34 — Sue

One of the most difficult things to do,especially when my head gets in a bad place and I can't get it out, or if I happen to see my brother or even hear his voice,is control my anger. I remember as a child I use to rage on people. I use to fight ANYONE,guy ,girl,I didn't care,and I would fight very dirty until one day I realized how much I was hurting people who didn't deserve it.then I would punch objects,walls cabinets ,whatever. As an adult I thought I buried that raging child so no one could ever see her,until this summer. My dad became very sick and was in and out of the hospital a lot this summer,so, I had so many run ins with my brother,which triggered my rage all over again to the point that I was so afraid of who I was becoming!!! So, I decided I needed help and I found a great therapist who has been able to help give me a better place for my anger.i also work out almost every day for 20 minutes and I have a heavy bag I hit ALL the time. I imagine his face there when I hit it. I believe that becouse our body's where so used,our minds have been so distroyed by our abusers our core of our souls have been so beaten up,that,since we had no control when our abuse was going on,we will do whatever it takes to be in control of our world now and I believe that may be where your control issues may be from.every one I have talked to that has survived this has the same control issues as me.we need to take something back that was stolen from us,right? You know ,it's funny,like Stacey I chose to become a professional dog trainer as well. Been doing it for over 25 yrs. a small part of why I do it is so I can be in control of my world,a bigger part is so I can connect to a living thing that won't judge me,will see me for who I am and love me no matter what,and most of all, so I can be their voices so I can stop people from abusing them. Couldn't control that in my life, but sure can in the doggie world. With all of this being said,I hope one day we all can get our anger and put it to rest becouse you are right,it is eating me up and I'm sure anyone else who feels it that deep goes through it as well.maybe one day we will have peace,maybe!!!!

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 04:32 — healing2

I never want/wanted to see my abuser/moslester either but since I can not take legal action for the abuse against me. My friend convinced me that I had a ablaction to help future victims.. You see if you think that moslester is going to hurt a nephew,neice or any other victim then if you can reach deep in your soul for just a few mintues to make a tape that just might help someone eles then it is worth it....

You see thats called a bad act or pattern in court,, WOW if a jury could see a taape you made that had the molester in his own words saying what he did then really there is NO way around that.

Also if you think your molester is hurting someone elses then you are most likely right and you have a duty to help that other victim.. NOONE was able to help us but if we can help then we need to...

EXAMPLE..... If you see a man raping a women under most states you must report that crime or you could chraged if it was ever reveled that you knew/saw what happened but did nothing to help or at lease report it.

I see no difference. Also if you are worried that molester is doing this again or going to do this to someone you know then you need to tell that bastard what you will do if you even think its happening again.. ALSO you can tell that possible victim that you have a tape and that you want them to come to you if they try anything,

 

We can only learn through things we go through in life and then share and help others not have to go through them,,

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 00:02 — jjmom68

I have already called several times and reported him as a sexual predator and the local Division of Family Services have done multiple investigations and have come up with nothing, so maybe he's not doing it to his child because he really does think she is his. I hope that is the case, I cannot do anything more since I have been told by DFS that if I call again, they will file charges of harrassment on me for reporting him since everything has come up negative.

I want to believe that I could be strong enough to do what you have done with your abuser, but sadly, I am not. I only 4 months ago, admitted to anyone that this actually happened to me, so I'm still fairly new. I want to make him confess, but I truly think that he would find a way to get around it. And he's only one of the abusers, my other brother lives 6 hours away with our biological mother who allowed all of us to be molested, beaten and abused by the man she calls dad, so I really don't think that there is anything that I can do about getting him to admit it either, especially since I haven't talked to either of them in almost 5 years. They may think that it's a bit strange that I'm calling out of the blue.

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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.