Trying to Heal

My name is Cheryl and I was first sexually abused by my Grandmother's husband when I was 4 year old. I can still very clearly see my little self in the bathroom of my Grandma's house while her husband touched me. This went on for about a year. My Mother would leave me with him while she went bowling with my Grandmother. It wasn't until I was about 14 that I was able to talk about my abuse.

Then when I was 12, in the 7th grade, I was followed home from school by a group of boys a bit older than me. As they followed me, I started to feel panicked and ran. They chased me into a ditch, where each of them took turns penetrating me with their fingers and other objects they found. I was too scared to tell anyone.

Six years later, I became pregnant and after moving in with my child's father, he began to sexually and physically abuse me. It took a great deal of courage to leave that situation and I almost lost my life in doing so, but I am so glad I did. I believe that if I would of stayed, he would have killed me at some point.

After that incident, I spent many years ending up in relationships that were bad. Usually the men I chose were abusive in some way. My last bad relationship was to a man I married when I was 29 and one night after fighting he had me pinned to the wall, not letting me go and I hit him. I was arrested for fighting back and had to spend a year going to domestic violence classes as if I was the violent one. I think there is only so much one person can take and that night when I was arrested for domestic violence, was a point where I just wasn't going to let another man push me around. Of course the police and prosecuter didn't  see it that way. I only spent a night in jail, but it made me realize that I needed to get help.

I have been struggling now for many years with depression and anxiety. I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for almost 7 years now and he treats me like a woman/human being should be treated. With kindness, compassion, and unconditional love. He is my best friend and has shown me what it feels like to be loved for who I am as a person.

Thank you for letting me share just a bit of who I am and what I went through. And thank you to Stacey for giving us a place to share without judgment. Stacey you are a shining star and an inspiration to many.

Peace to all.....