To all those who commented on Stacey's episode on 20/20

I know the statistics... 1out of 4 girls, and 1 out of 6 boys, is sexually abused before the age of 18... but, I don't think anyone can really understand the real numbers of people, who have been harmed this way.... the extent of the damage, and the amount of pain, sorrow and shame experienced by , what?... thousands... millions of people.  I am so humbled to read all the new posts today.  I hope I can say something that might help even one of the amazing people who blogged in response to Stacey's episode on 20/20 .

Thank-you, for finding the courage to post at all.  I remember the crippling shame, I felt, the first time I told my story... was 13.  Though I understand now, at the age of 45, that shame was not my own, I remember the fear, and self loathing.  I couldn't tell them everything... some of the worst things were taken from me until I was in my mid 30's... The rest was just too humiliating, but, I was able to tell enough... 

I am so sorry it happened to you too.  Every time I read a new story, my heart aches.  I want to reach out and hug, each new sister, and brother.  I believe you... No child should have to endure what you have endured.  It wasn't you fault.  Not what happened to you, and not what may have happened to others, after you.  We survive the best way we can, and the blame lies solely on the heads of those who hurt us, and those who turned their backs on us.  

You can heal and lead a happy productive life...  I promise this is true.  There were times when I felt I couldn't possibly survive the amount of fear, and pain I was experiencing....  I didn't even really know what happiness felt like, and I sure didn't know what joy was... but I do now.  Healing is hard.  Some days, it was just getting through the next few minutes, then hours...  When you feel that way, just hang on... Please know that happiness is possible, and if you give up, you will never get the opportunity to feel the happiness and joy, that you are entitled to feel.  Now I have a week or so go by, when I don't remember the sadness.  Something inevitably will trigger me, but it is easier to deal with, and it doesn't last as long.

Writing about it helps.  It is sometimes impossible to say some of the worst things.  Take advantage of the "Message in a bottle" area.  You can write, ANYTHING, and then when you submit it, all is taken away.  Things written there are not seen by anyone, and they are not stored in anyway.  Your words will be whisked away, like a bottle in the ocean, but unlike that scenario, no one will ever find your words on a beach somewhere.  Sometimes, just getting the poison out really helps.

Keep yourself safe.  When you are reading the blogs, if you find you are triggered, stop reading, and go and do something else.  Read, go for a walk, call a friend, but please do not torture yourself.  No one can fix everything for anybody, and we have to take care of ourselves first. 
 

I do not use my real name.  At first it was because, I had experienced a very scary situation, with a stalker.  I feel safe enough now, but I want to be an anonymous example of every survivor.  My mind was fractured due to the abuse I suffered.  I had many parts.  Only one of my parts had a name however.  I referred to my parts, as the baby, the 3 year old, the five year old etc.  When I was 2, I was unable to pronounce my name correctly, and I referred to myself as Sadie.  Sadie experienced some pretty horrific things.  There were times I didn't like her very much.  Sadie, and all the others, are now integrated in me.  I will remember and honor her, and all the others when I blog here.

Please come back, and write often.

With Love, Sadie